Off To School: Preparing For Separation { Guest Post }

For children who have not experienced being away from their parents for the day, the first day of pre-school or kindergarten can be a traumatic experience for both parent and child.  Most pre-school and kindergarten teachers would agree that they can’t decide who cries more on that first day – the kids or the parents.   However, if a child constantly associates school only with being away from mom or dad, it will take the child much longer to acclimate to being at school.  Additionally, children are not used to seeing their parents upset so it would naturally upset them to see their parent crying when it is time to leave the child at school.  In order to make the transition from stay-at-home child to preschooler or kindergartner easier, parents can do several things to prepare both themselves and their child for the first day.

• Read books and talk about going to school – You should start preparing your child for the first day of school at least three months earlier.  Find books that will explain what happens at school and what the child can expect.  Talk about your own experiences in school and really listen to your child’s concerns.  Try to keep stories and images of school positive so that your child won’t go into the experience more fearful and anxious than they would normally be.
• Be sure to attend the meet the teacher day — Meet the teacher is as helpful for parents as it is for students.  Most parents feel better knowing the person who will be with their child all day, even if it is just at a quick meeting during meet the teacher.  Kids will get to meet the person who will be taking care of them all day as well as begin to explore the classroom and school.  Your child cannot be expected to be excited about staying all day with a stranger, particularly if they have been taught all alone that strangers can be dangerous.  However, if your child sees that you are comfortable with the teacher, then they will be more likely to also be comfortable with being left under the teacher’s care all day.  On the way home, talk to your child about the teacher and the things you saw in the classroom.
• Tell your child what is going to happen and when – Without drilling it into your child’s mind, remind them regularly that school will be starting soon and discuss what is going to happen.  Be as detailed at you can – explaining bus routes, lunches, what they will be doing, and that you will pick them up as soon as you can.  Children who have never been to daycare seem to have more trouble with worrying about all the details than kids who have experienced someone aside from mom and dad taking care of them during the day.  By giving your child information about the details of their day, you will be giving them a sense of security as they will know that everything has been taken care of that you know where they are and what they will be doing.
• Express your excitement at the idea of your child going to school – If you are excited about your child going to school, most likely they will be too.   You may want to start a countdown to school calendar with different activities each day that have to do with getting ready for school.  Take your child to purchase new school supplies, new clothes, and new shoes.  Allow them to have some choice in a few items.  The more involved the child is with the process of getting ready to go to school, the more comfortable they will be; it’s an automatic buy-in, even if it’s not a full buy-in.  Regardless of what you do, your child is going to be anxious about going to school until they experience it.  However, the more involved they are with the process of getting ready, the less the process will feel like a big unknown.
• On the first day . . . hug, kiss, walk away – The hardest part of the first day of school is to give your child a hug and a kiss then leave, particularly if your child is crying and doesn’t want you to leave.  While it goes against every parental instinct you have, you simply have to walk away without looking back or going to comfort your child.   All Kindergarten and Preschool teachers would agree that most children stop crying before their parents are even out of the building.  However, if parents hang around and try to comfort their child, it actually makes the experience more traumatic and will make the child’s reaction escalate quickly to inconsolable.  It is best for everyone if parents simply give their child a hug and a kiss, tell them they will see them later, and walk away.  Preschool and Kindergarten teachers are very good at calming and redirecting upset children.  Also, by walking away, you are nonverbally telling your child that you are comfortable with the teacher and the school.

The first day of preschool or kindergarten can be traumatic for both children and their parents.  But, by preparing your child for their first day, you will be teaching them that they are perfectly able to make the transition from stay-at-home child to school-age child.  Kids will be reassured by being involved in the preparation for school and by having their questions about school answered.  While it’s hard to let your baby make the transition to school-ager, parents simply need to remember the mantra of “On the first day – hug, kiss, walk away.”

What are your tips for preparing your children for school? 

Lindsay Holland is a professional blogger that provides parents and guardians with information and reviews for after school care programs and day cares. She writes for The Learning Experience, a leading after school care in Coppell TX and early education institute.

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